24 April 2009

Fat People Cause Global Warming

The Sun is reporting that fat people contribute more to global warming than those of us who have chiseled bodies, rock-hard abs, and extraordinary physiques. The report says that fat people may eat more than non-fatties. The increased food production required to feed these overweight monstrosities is literally destroying the planet, since food production accounts for about 1/5 of all greenhouse gases. And since fat people obviously loathe exercise the way that vampires loathe the sun, they drive more than the rest of us more athletic types. Not to mention all that extra methane gas they must be omitting. So you see? Al Gore is right! Humans are destroying the planet! And not just any humans, but fat humans! I think the solution is obvious. Government-sponsored food rationing for fat people. Or maybe we should implement our own "fat tax."

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